A Brief History

So how does one decide that they're going to try for the Guinness World Record? Of nipple hair no less?

Well, I suppose the first step is to have really long nipple hair. I mean, I have always had long nipple hair. That part I guess is obvious.

But when does

"Wow, you have some pretty long nipple hairs, that's funny..."

go from

"Holy shit man, your nipple hairs are like, really, really long... why don't you cut them or something, anyway?"

to

"Dude, show my buddy your nipple hair. [To his friend] You've gotta see this kid's nipple hairs - it is unbelieveable."

to

"I am not even kidding. I honestly think you might have the longest nipple hair in the world. You should seriously look it up. I am being dead serious..."

Because that is exactly what happened. Over the course of my young adulthood, the length of my nipple hair has gone from a small joke between me and my friends and minor insecurity to something bigger. Something that has become a part of my identity. My friend Rob once said "Cory, when I picture you in my mind, I see you in a grassy field, shirt off, with your nipple hairs flowing in the breeze."

Homosexual connotations aside, you get the picture. (And isn't it delightful?)

What I found funniest, in reading about current record holder Tyler Ing (see links), was how true it rang.

"Ing got the idea to apply after constant hassling from friends and the encouragement of his girlfriend."

Yup.

It makes me wonder, are there thousands of us out there? We of long nipple hairs, united in the playful mockery of our friends; the hesitant support of our girlfriends; the embarassment of having to lift our shirts when introduced to new people? Is it a simple genetic trait or a way of life? And what is it about us that causes us to leave them be when the simple swipe of scissors would be enough to bring us back to normalcy?

For me my nipple hairs became a part of my identity, and cutting them would be (both literally and figuratively) cutting out a piece of myself.

anyway...

Much like Tyler, my encouragement came not from within but from those around me. It was one of my roommates that finally decided to look up what the world record was.

I was lying in bed in a sleepy haze listening to them talking in our common room. I thought I heard my name. Then I hear, "he should put Rogaine on them." Confused, and thinking i was dreaming I fell asleep...

Well it turns out I didn't need Rogaine. Not even close. The next morning I found out that they'd learned the record, a paltry *ahem* 3.5 inches. I blew it out of the water. Multiple hairs on both nipples, all of them record holders.

It was time to contact Guinness.


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